You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Every concussion has its silver lining
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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