So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
