I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
