please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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