She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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