Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
