My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
not ubering you a puppy
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
