You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
