hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
