wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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