ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
