Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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