you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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