I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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