Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
