first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
