watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
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