Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
