whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
