Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
