the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
