Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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