well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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