I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
