She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
