Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
