I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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