Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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