I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
