help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
