you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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