These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
