my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
