Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This is my gift to your gina
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
