Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
