you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
