There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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