So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
