I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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