Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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