i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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