By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
