Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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