My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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