when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
