I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
