not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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