Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
COCAINE IS GR8
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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