Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
