Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh god it's open bar.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
